Normally I avoid eye contact and just keep walking when a strange person approaches me in a parking lot (especially when I have kids with me). But surprisingly, I felt unthreatened by the clown on the bike, so I was unprepared for his request.
"Can I have fiddy-cent?" Just like that. Like I was his mother. Like it wasn't even a question, just a statement.
I stammered, "Uhhhh. I don't know..... I ...."
Maybe it was because of his youth, or maybe it was because he asked for a specific amount, but for some reason without thinking I opened my bag and found fifty cents.
Suddenly, as if coming to my senses, I realized I was about to give a punk (not a poor homeless person) money, I thought to ask. "Why do you need this?"
He answered flatly, "I just need fifty more cents so I can get the foot long at Subway."
I handed him the change and I couldn't help but laugh as I watched his puffy hair and precariously balanced hat bob away on his child-bike through the parking lot. What nerve! What genius! What an original idea!
Inspired by little-bike, clown hair dude I have discovered how I'm going to pad our Christmas budget this year:
1) Ask people for money
a) in specific, small increments
b) tell them what it's for (a digital camera for my daughter's Christmas present)
c) don't beg, plead or even appear to need help
d) expect them to hand it over
To my interstate, intercity and international readers, please feel free to use my proven method for lining your pockets. But for those of you in my zip code, beware. There's only room for one middle-class, mom beggar in this town and that Fry's parking lot is mine!
12 comments:
HAHA! I love it. Fiddy-cent. Too funny and bold. Who is that guy's mother? Sheesh. This happened to us, too, but the guy was 40+, well dressed, etc. in the parking lot of Mimi's Cafe. He made some half-baked (to be nice) excuse about trying to get to welfare square but all the bishops were asleep this late at night and he just needed gas money to get to St. George because he'd been to the temple there to get help, but they couldn't really help him. But boy, those bishops are so nice.
I opened my purse and handed him a $20. A TWENTY DOLLAR BILL! What the heck is wrong with me? I never even carry cash, I never have enough cash, and yet...there I was, opening my wallet like it was no big thing. He was so full of it, I realized, after I processed his entire load of crap story. Ah well, charity. We followed him out of the parking lot, where he promptly weaved through traffic trying to escape us and headed NORTH, not SOUTH.
I think your tactic is good. Try the Mimi's Cafe parking lot when Fry's dries up. There are bound to be a few suckers there, especially if you find all those cars with BYU stickers on them and throw in words like "temple" and "bishop." #1's Christmas camera will be paid off in a jiffy!
I am laughing out loud... seriously. My trick for such random requests (not that your specific scenario has ever happened to me) is to never have any cash or change on hand. Really though? A footlong at Subway? You never would have known if you hadn't thought to ask. :)
still laughing. by the way, thanks for spelling "fiddy cent" phonetically so that we can really be in the moment with you.
I thought of you last week. Some beggar asked me for money... This time I walked by (I was late for my sister's wedding..oops). Later, I saw the same beggar looking at her cell phone. I thought "JL doesn't even have a cell phone (one that is used not just for emergencies) how can this person have one?" I didn't feel as bad about walking by. But now I feel bad because apparently it was you. :)
ha. that is hilarious.
Heck. I'm not going to do the work. That's what kids are for! Besides they will probably get MORE than they are asking for due to the cute factor!! I'm gonna make bank this Christmas!!!! Thanks for the tip!
Oh, boy. Having lived in Portland has made me soooo cynical, and so suckered at the same time. I also find it hard to say no if they have a specific, likely untrue reason cooked up in advance. Gas can in hand? I'm suckered. Pointing to the payphone? I'm suckered. You need something to drink? Yup, still suckered. Good luck, maybe you should come to my place or I could just wire you the funds.
You need to insert this funny little story into a novel that you write someday. I want the story to keep going on and on, it's so entertaining.
I've got Fry's at Gilbert and Baseline!
LOL, If I see you at Fry's I will pretend I dont know you!
I love it! I can just see the kid riding off in his ridiculous hat!
I think you're on to something. Please let me know how it goes for you!
I'm catching up on your blog today, and I think I will be laughing all day. You must write a book someday. The world needs this humor.
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