Hello, friends. Long time, no blog, eh?
We moved. Across town. More on that later. But first, three stories of human proportions.
I
While packing I unearthed a box of photos that never made it into photo albums or scrapbooks. Most were pictures taken around the time of my engagement and early marriage with Spouse. #1, looking over my shoulder, wondered aloud who the girl was. It was me, without wrinkles.
Then I came to a photo of me waterskiing at Flaming Gorge, in the Uinta Mountains in Utah. I had to do a double take to make sure it really was me, because the girl in the photo is laying it out, nearly horizontal on the glassy water with a watery plume of spray behind her. It's a good picture, taken at the peak of my water skiing days.
Typical, unsentimental me, I tossed the other photos but kept the waterskiing picture and posted it on the refrigerator, at eye level to remind me of my former self. Every time I see that photo I feel satisfied. Not because I used to be a good waterskiier. And not because I think that girl is still in me. I feel satisfied that I chose to give that up and not look back. At some point I decided I would stop defining myself as "the girl who used to ski well" and fully embrace my less glamorous, less thrilling life. I don't see myself as giving up, just facing reality and deciding to be happy with it.
II
My children scrambled out of the jeep and hurried across the pavement to the swimming pool entrance. A few paces behind I watched them inadvertently cut in front of a single man waiting in the line to pay. I apologized and offered to let him go in front of us, but he kindly declined. As we waited for a minute or two for our turn, my mommy-alert-radar went on automatic as I scanned the area for perverts, where the bathrooms were located, hiding places.... just so I could be on guard as I was alone with three kids at a public swimming pool. (I'm not crazy, right?) My suspicions landed on that single man waiting behind us in line.
What was he doing going to a swimming pool in the middle of the day in the middle of the week? Why isn't he at work? He doesn't even have kids with him? Ok, he doesn't look too creepy. He's probably only a little older than me. Hmmm, I'm going to keep my eye on him and if he gets weird we are outta here.
The pool was great; the water was cool and it wasn't crowded. It didn't take long for #2 to start begging to go off the diving board. So I took #3's hand and we walked with him down to "the deep end." I took a seat near the edge of the water to wait. That's when I noticed the single guy from the line. There he was dripping wet, waiting in line for the diving board, standing between children who were only as high as his waist. Suddenly he didn't look so creepy and I was curious. His turn came and I watched him deftly adjust the springs of the board with his feet, walk to the end of the plank, take a deep bounce and holy cow! Double flips high in the air, rotation and smooth straight entrance into the water!
At some point in his life, this now semi overweight, man in his mid 30's must have been some kind of diving superstar. We watched him do this over and over. He would do some kind of crazy dive, swim to the side then walk to the end of the diving line, along with all the belly-flopping, cannon-balling kids. When he finished diving he picked up his towel and left the pool. Probably went back to work.
I was impressed (and sad that I had judged him) that here was someone who had found a way to keep his talent alive. There were no spectators, except me and a bunch of kids; he wasn't going to win a medal or receive any recognition. Apparently he just loved to dive.
III
I picked the up phone yesterday, it was my brother Miguel. "JL? Guess, what? I ran 26 miles this morning!" My response, "You, freak. You are crazy." It was only two weeks ago that I had listened to a message from him, "Hey JL, call me back. I want to ask you some questions about long distance running." He had recently read a book about how human physiology is uniquely designed for distance running and how people can run a lot farther than they think they can. So he decided one day to see how far he could go. He ran 10 miles. That was two weeks ago.
Although in good health, Miguel is not an athlete. He plays basketball a couple times a week and probably does push ups in his bathroom in the morning.
So, last night after a healthy meal, Miguel decided he was going to see if he could run a marathon. So he woke up at 3 am, ran 26 miles (without gatorade, energy gels, an ipod or proper shoes) showered up and went to work.
What about you? As you mature, how do you balance your talents and interests with reality? What do you do to push yourself?
7 comments:
This post really has me thinking. I don't really consider myself talented in any extraordinary way. Maybe that's why I really want my children to find some sport or performing talent that they can excel at? I actually was a diver myself in high school and I look over at those diving boards sometimes, but most of the time the bounce level is locked and I don't have the power to do a double flip without a lot of bounce, plus, I don't think I was that excellent anyway.
I think there is a lot of wisdom in what you said about admiring the talents we have at certain stages and then admitting that we are not longer going to take the time we have allotted each day and dedicate it to ourselves--we have children how could we do that without a twinge of guilt? That being said, how do we encourage our own children to be passionate and dedicated to something they love if they don't see us passionately dedicated to something? It's such a tricky idea to play out.
So in conclusion, I have no answer, but it sure makes me think. At what point do we look back and wish we had done more at certain times in our lives and at what point do we say, "I haven't yet done what I'm capable of?"
Lastly, someday you will learn to be my friend and actually hang out with us--declined twice I'm getting your hints.
I enjoyed your thoughts... as always! :)
How FAR across town??? Are you near me at all?! I sure hope so!
The last time I tried to do a simple dive off the 'high dive' was when i was about 12... lets just say that it was the belly flop heard around the pool. Never tried that again. haha
It's funny. When I turned 30 I remember thinking that I was very satisfied with what I had accomplished thus far in my life. Almost proud. Ok. I was proud. Now three years later and looking into my future I don't see the list of accomplishments stacking up quite so nicely. I see housework, laundry, groceries, etc.
I suppose at times it gets a little discouraging. But then I see some little glimpse of aocomplishment in my children and all the sacrifices I'm making seem oh so worth it.
Your slalom and rooster tail were most impressive. I too liked skiing-I wasn't amazing like my brother-but I grew up on a ski boat and could definitely hold my own. Up until a few years ago I stopped feeling guilty if I didn't at least ski once during our Lake Powell vacations. Now, I'm ok to wakeboard (which is much easier in my book) but contributes to the feeling that I'm cheating someone by not skiing at all.
Growing up we'd often go with a woman who had 4 kids and her own ski and would wake up every morning at dawn to ski the "glass". She would even do tricks! Admirable, yes. Envious, no. I am glad I pushed myself once to learn and improve and maybe show off a bit, but now I do different things that give me a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.
It's never too late to do the things you once did. Of course, it sucks when you aren't as good anymore and your body doesn't quite hold up. But it's different now. It's not the most important thing to me to be the best. It's nostalgic. It's fun. And it's fun watching your kids become interested in those same activities and watching them succeed. I really feel like I have a second chance at life, just living it through my children.
I'm not sure I ever felt amazing at anything, but I certainly had a lot more time to "do" things that seemed meaningful or that could be measured in a more worldly sense. I have never been able to come to terms with the idea that having kids, doing laundry, cleaning a house and running errands are the only things I have time to "do" at this stage in life. It's a big world, and I want my kids to learn by my example that life is too long to have "lived" most of it by the time I was 25. So I am constantly trying to redefine my priorities, pursue passions, and learn new things. That way, I hope to avoid ever having to wish I could go back. My hair style alone pre-25 will keep me from going back to that place. Ever.
I could read your posts all day. Sadly, I really need to work on taking the time to do the things I enjoy. I've always struggled with finding my own talents but at the same time I've been pretty happy with just being me and "enjoying " doing a lot of things even though I wouldn't consider them talents.
When did you move? I had no idea you left. I'm excited to hear about your new place and where you ended up!
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