I did not gain a single pound between the dates of December 1 and January 4.
Then last week my friend gifted me a loaf of her homemade nine grain bread. I ate the entire loaf in less than 20 hours. I gained 3.5 pounds and have not lost an ounce of it.
If it weren't for my once a month rotten attitude, I would be the bestest wife ever. This weekend I supported Spouse in a 4.5 hour excursion to the shooting range and then today, TODAY!, I made him a pot roast. That's right readers, I, hater of all meat red, bought, cooked and served a hunk of brown meat to my dear Spouse. With potatoes and carrots on the side. If this isn't something to blog about, I don't know what is.
I had a peanut butter sandwich.
Is it so wrong of me to love those guy-with-no-arms-and-no-legs jokes? It's not cruelty toward people with disabilities, but a love for puns. Just try to read this without laughing out loud, or LOL:
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your doorstep?
Matt
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in your mailbox?
Bill
... trying to waterski?
Skip
... hanging on your wall?
Art
... at the gas station?
Phillip
.... at the bottom of a pit?
Doug
.... in your swimming pool?
Bob
Did I miss any?
7 comments:
I'm still stuck back on the fact that you did not gain a pound during the Holidays. HOLEY SMOLEY!!! Impressive!!!
...holding two pieces of paper together (in his mouth)?
Brad
I gave it a shot?! :)
My brothers and I are totally offended by your comments...you fatty bread eater!
Skip
This must be an inspired post from the Gross Jokes book. What a great read...I will definitely see this when the movie comes out.
Bill?!!? Ha ha, I laughed out loud!
Well, how about when he takes his dog out for a walk?
Drag.
So bad. Sorry, it's all I could come up with.
Congrats on the roast! What did your kids think of it?
Ok, so I don't know any more no arms/no legs jokes, but I do know the one about the woman with one leg. Her name is Eilene.
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