Friday, December 12, 2008

Kentucky Fried Santa

I really do love Christmas.  But this year I seem to be in a funk.  Maybe it's the economy and the financial insecurities I feel.  (Anyone else out there FREAKING OUT?!?) Or maybe it's the pull of my primal instincts to store fat and conserve energy in the winter that is leaving me sluggish. And, no, I'm not pregnant.  Whatever the reason, the effects are noticeable:

It's the 12th and no Christmas cards have been sent.  (or written)

It's the 12th and no gifts have been wrapped or shipped.

House is a mess. 

I go to bed by 9:30 every night. 

Falling behind in every responsibility.

Gaining weight.



Yesterday I attempted to break out of my funk and do something different, some may call it brave. Some may turn their nose up at the white-trashiness of it all. (I would, believe me).  Four o'clock found me waiting in a chaotic line to see Santa (and get a free picture) with all three of the children at Fry's (grocery store).  After 20 minutes and deciding it was definitely not worth it, suddenly it was our turn to approach the big guy. Except he wasn't so big.  And he was sweating profusely.  I wasn't about to let #1 or #2 sit on his lap so I intervened in the photo posing and arranged for the kids to stand on either side of him. During these few seconds my senses were offended by a most profound stench.  Santa + B.O. = GROSS! 

When that ordeal was over, I fought the crowds, pushing my obnoxiously unmaneuverable car-cart through the throngs of rabid deal-hungry shoppers to get my $.99 cheese (no limit!) and $.37 2 liter sodas.  When at last we pushed ourselves out of the store, I stopped for a moment to review my receipt and #1 frankly stated,"That was NOT Santa."  

Back at home, knowing I had a long Spouse-less night ahead of me I chose to indulge the children's request for some of that said $.37 2 liter soda.  I turned the cap and SPRAY! FIZZ!  EXPLODE! (this is why I usually only get cans).  In about 2.1 seconds 2.5 cups of lemon-lime sugar water had coated nearly every surface in my kitchen.  

Lesson learned: breaking out of my funk isn't all that it's cracked up to be.  I'll take my warm bed and fatty foods please.


8 comments:

Katie said...

Oh those car carts. . . they are the bane of my existence. They are also the ONLY way we do the grocery store.

Your Santa adventure is a bit of a horror story. Sick.

Jami said...

Ditto
Ditto
Ditto
Ditto
and a big fat DITTO.

I only have half of my christmas decorations up and I have decided heck...what's the point now.

Everyday I rethink what I have bought trying to decide what I should/could take back to save four dollars.

My Christmas cards have actually been done for a couple of weeks. I am just too lazy to address them.

And yet, I still love the season.

MegaPPod said...

I feel the funk - hence my long absence from the world'o'blog. Santa sounds absolutely repulsive. I'm just glad the LG is terrified and therefore pretty disinterested in the man in a suit for now.

Cara and Terry said...

Wow..that sounds like one heck of a day. You're not the only one in a freaking out funk about everything from finance to x-mas. I've decided I'm not even sending out x-mas cards this year. See my blog...I might post a Merry Christmas note instead...haha!

moomycoz said...

I just tried leaving a comment but it didn't work, so I am at it again. This one is just to see if I can get it to show up. The first one was fun, this one is all business. Love, Mom

Peterson Family said...

I was just at a party tonight and met a gal who totally said it right "this year I am totally apathetic to everything". I feel the EXACT same... no cards, not done shopping, no desire to shop (or spend money), gaining weight, and I feel rather blah. I also can't shake this stupid head cold. It's hard to work out with asthma and snot (there's my BEST excuse).

At least I didn't have to smell and nasty Santa. The topper on the tree, if you will (I'm so witty), would have been if he was drunk.

Where's my fudge...

Sweating in the endless heat said...

I am in the same boat as everyone I guess, cause I ditto at Jamie did, EVERYTHING! Our decorations are half out and the christmas tree is up, but no decorations, except the lights which went on a week in a half after the tree was put up. I have NO desire to go shopping (which I never do), but last year I did. It just stinks, it should be a a happy time of year, yet, it seems to be blahh. Maybe January will bring new happy air to us all;-)

**BTW, THANK YOU SOOOOOOOO Much for your help last night at the Christmas party, you are awesome, and you certainly didn't look like you were in a Funk, Oh and thanks for Friday too, YOU ROCK!!!!!***

MJ said...

It's so nice that people are catching up to my laziness. The difference between you and I is you will get those Christmas cards out. Maybe next year for us. (I say this every year). No Christmas lights up again. Kem is just not feeling like wasting the time putting them up, only to take them down in a couple weeks. But my tree has been up and decorated since Thanksgiving weekend. I've done something right. I sure hope that the presents make it in time to go under that tree.

Did you get a picture with gross Santa? Please post.