Saturday, January 30, 2010

Something I just overheard

.... that is killing me with suppressed laughter.

Scene: #1, #2 and I watching Nacho Libre, a movie we've all seen many times before. Nacho and Esqueleto have just been booted from Ramses party and Nacho is saying something like, "Sucks to be me right now."

Then Nacho calls Ramses a dirty word. A word I hate and cannot write without vomit coming into my mouth but it starts d and rhymes with whoosh. See? Gross, huh?

Completely unaware of what they are repeating, #1 laughs, "he he he he, Ramses is a d----- (mispronouncing the word)." Then #2 joins in, "Ramses is a d----- (completely mispronouncing the word again)."

I am sitting there in horror (that my children have been exposed to that word and are trying to say it!) mixed with laughter at their innocent mispronunciation, trying to not react at all so as to not bring attention (or questions!) to the word. They've already forgotten it right?!? And FYI, in our house there is no name calling, so I don't think they even realized it was meant as a derogatory term or they wouldn't have repeated it.

If spouse were home I would be busting a gut with him, our faces pressed into pillows to suffocate our laughter. But since he's not home, you, my lucky readers, get to share this humorous little ditty.

Once when #1 was about three years old she was entertaining herself with an alphabet book in the backseat of the car. She would make a letter sound and then try to finish it with a familiar ending. One line of rhyming went like this: "ta. truck! da. duck! sta. stuck! fu. ****!" (Maybe I shouldn't tell this story?) She paused and then said it again and again. And again, and again like a broken record, in different inflections - trying to determine if it was really a word. I just kept driving, face white, eyes bulging out of my head in horror!!!! Eventually she moved on to more interesting rhyming words that had meaning to her and she has never uttered that word since. (At least as far as I know.... yikes!)

What do you do when your kids innocently shock you with (what they don't know are) dirty words?

Monday, January 25, 2010

p.t. day

I did not plan it, but somehow today ended up being potty training day. I am not usually one to act on impulse but as I was taking off #3's early morning diaper I noticed the diaper basket is nearly empty. Some sense of revolt came over me and I vowed then and there (like I do every time the diapers run low) that I would not buy another package of diapers. #3 has been pants-less all day.

So far so good.

#2 felt a little neglected this morning so I can't blame him for hamming it up a bit in this picture that he asked me to take of him.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


I've been tempted many times to write a post (or posts) dumping on the place where I live. There are a lot of stories to tell, many of which I bet most of you wouldn't believe or would think were embellished.

No crazy stories today. Just the opposite. Something I am totally proud about my community:

The soccer league!

It is well organized by a couple of friendly, funny, yet professional dudes in our area. The league is super family friendly and emphasizes participation and fun rather than competition and fine-tuned skills. There is a place for that, (like the republican party) but it's not for my inhibited 7 year old or my beginner 4 year old. The coaches are just dads and moms trying to give the kids a positive experience. Maybe everyone is this happy about their soccer leagues, I don't know. But I just love ours!

#2 is the smiling blond boy

I mean, look at #1's form. So wrong! Her confidence would have been immediately shattered had an aggressive coach tried to correct her.

Human tunnel to celebrate the win.....or loss.....who cares! they don't keep score! (what 'progressives')#1 is the blond in the pig tails - not the blond with the super long braids

seriously, look how happy those kids are.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Things you can learn by reading this blog---amended

1. If you see a large red dvd vending machine, do not assume it is a Redbox machine. It could be DVDPlay. If you return a DVDPlay movie into a Redbox machine you will find out exactly 51 nights later by way of an email receipt for $51. If you call DVDPlay to explain, they will give you the bar code number for the lost dvd and tell you to call Redbox but not give you the phone number. They will also tell you that when the dvd is returned they will send you a $5 credit to be used at a DVDPlay vending machine where hopefully you will rent another movie and most likely return it to the wrong big red dvd vending machine and then they can send you another email receipt 51 nights later. You've heard of Ponzi schemes? Meet the DVDPlay scheme.

2. If you find a paperback chapter book called, "The Devilish Doughnut," please return it to me post haste. But I don't think you will since my house ate it. I don't blame the house, I love doughnuts too. But I do hate library fines. Especially hefty ones.

3. If you think that a certain calling (church assignment) has been issued and accepted, double check to make sure it has actually been issued and accepted before telephoning the presumed appointee and embarrassing self.

4. If you write a critical blog post about a dental office and happen to mention the attractive nature of some of the dentists, don't be surprised if his wife reads it and leaves you a cryptic comment 18 months later leading you to the surprising and embarrassing revelation that dentists are real people too.

5. If you don't read your invitation carefully, you may show up to a baby shower one week early.

***here is the link to the snarky dentist post. And just for clarification, the wife's comment was actually quite friendly and teasing. You can see it for yourself in the comments of this post and understand what I refer to as cryptic.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

9 grain, pot roast and sick jokes

I did not gain a single pound between the dates of December 1 and January 4.

Then last week my friend gifted me a loaf of her homemade nine grain bread. I ate the entire loaf in less than 20 hours. I gained 3.5 pounds and have not lost an ounce of it.

If it weren't for my once a month rotten attitude, I would be the bestest wife ever. This weekend I supported Spouse in a 4.5 hour excursion to the shooting range and then today, TODAY!, I made him a pot roast. That's right readers, I, hater of all meat red, bought, cooked and served a hunk of brown meat to my dear Spouse. With potatoes and carrots on the side. If this isn't something to blog about, I don't know what is.

I had a peanut butter sandwich.

Is it so wrong of me to love those guy-with-no-arms-and-no-legs jokes? It's not cruelty toward people with disabilities, but a love for puns. Just try to read this without laughing out loud, or LOL:

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your doorstep?


What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in your mailbox?


... trying to waterski?


... hanging on your wall?


... at the gas station?


.... at the bottom of a pit?


.... in your swimming pool?


Did I miss any?