Updates on #4 @ 4.5 months

#4 has not received adequate attention on this blog and I mean to remedy that right now!

I'm sure I've told many of you this before: my experience with #4 is the newborn experience I always wanted.  It's what I grew up thinking motherhood was like.  Of course all my children are special to me and equally loved, but I was pretty stressed out and inexperienced with #1. Then with #2 and #3 I was adding babies to babies, diapers to diapers, car seats to car seats.  It was hard work, all the time.  With a five year gap between #3 and #4, I am loving having 3 older, independent children who can help!  I'm experienced enough to know when to worry and when to put down the broom and snuggle my babe. 

As if that weren't enough, #4 is a dream. She sleeps from 7 to 7 and has for months. She is mild and happy and loves the heaps of attention she gets.  How did I get so lucky?

If I've learned anything after 10 years of motherhood it's this: #4 is a blessing from God.  She isn't wonderful because I made her wonderful. She isn't a good baby because I'm a good mom.  I just really lucked out.

#4's developmental stage is so fun right now.  She is interacting with us, laughing, jabbering, blowing raspberries. She responds to her name and recognizes familiar songs.  She has tried applesauce and loves warm bowls of rice cereal. 

I could butter on her fat rolls and eat them for lunch.

I know there are tough times ahead. She'll teeth and get her first ear infection.  She's learn the art of the temper tantrum. She'll scare me with pennies and crayons in her mouth and not too far down the road we'll lament the permanent bruising on her forehead as she starts to walk. 

But she's our last babe and I'm going to try to love every day of it. 

a fond farewell to 2012

2012 was the year of the baby.  It seems like everything revolved around growing, preparing for, or adjusting to our sweet #4.  Despite not being fond of being sick or getting fat, a baby-centered year was just what our family needed; it was a happy year.

January: I was in the throes of sickness.  Even looking at our pictures from this time give me that familiar gross feeling.  I didn't want to smell, touch or eat anything. And I was exhausted.  One weekend Spouse managed to get me off the couch and take us all to Goldfield, an old mining ghost town. 

February: My boy turned 7 and hosted a bike rally birthday party. We enjoyed fresh carrots from our garden.

   

 March: I started to see light at the end of Sick Tunnel.  We enjoyed feeding the calves at Shamrock Farm and #3 began swimming lessons.

 April: Ahh! Sweet relief.  I felt great! And my hair, I was loving my thick, full maternity hair.  I ate all the Easter candy I wanted without feeling sick.  We enjoyed #2's baseball games.

May: My #3 turned 5. The kids said goodbye to their teachers.  We enjoyed Memorial Day in St. George, UT.

June: Too hot, too tired to take pictures.  #1 and #2 enjoyed not learning anything in diving lessons. I was getting bigger.  Much bigger.

July: Utah! My swollen ankles and wrists cried for joy at the cooler temperatures.  The children loved playing with cousins, boating, backpacking, playing on the beach of Bear Lake.  I enjoyed the cool leather while I lay immobile on my mom's couch

August: Back to school for #1 and #2. First day of Kindergarten for #3! The baby count down began. I laid on the couch and didn't get up until the blessed day #4 put me out of my misery and joined our family, August 29th.

September: A blur.

October: We spent our Fall Break enjoying an Utah autumn and blessing our new babe surrounded by grandparents, cousins, sisters and brothers.  Our home was taken over by pirates at Halloween.

November: #4 really started to get cute.  Maybe its because she started sleeping through the night regularly. My dear #1 turned ten and grew even more beautiful and precious.

December: This Christmas was one to remember.  Having a baby at Christmastime makes the season even more special to me.  There's nothing like a live babe in the manger, right? We dashed up to snow and bitter cold temperatures to ring in the new year with our family and fireworks over the snow. Sledding, cousins and eating icicles is pretty much the greatest thing for a seven year old boy who seems impervious to the cold.

 

Looking forward:  In 2013 I intend to become addicted to my new iPhone, learn to run again, and say yes to my kids as much as I can (to sort of make up for being a blob last year).

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas, world!

December began with the usual excitement and happiness. We put up a fresh tree, decorated the house and put on the Christmas tunes.  I love Christmas and the spirit it gives to our family and the whole world.

I was busy with Christmas shopping when I got in my car and turned on my regular talk radio station.  They were reporting a shooting, 26 people shot dead... in an elementary school.  I couldn't have heard it right. Not an elementary school! Not little children! Babies, really.

I wanted to vomit and had to pull my car off the road to weep and take in what I had just learned.  My mind screamed,  "Is there nothing sacred or holy?  Is there nothing off-limits anymore?" I thought about my own children who go happily to school everyday, feeling secure in their safety and the love of their teachers.  It could have been my children.  In fact, it felt like I had lost my own children. What has our world come to?

There truly is no peace on earth; love has been defeated.

And it was almost Christmas; what a horrible time for a tragedy (as if there is any time appropriate).  Christmas would never be the same to the parents who had looked forward to their children's excitement Christmas morning and thoughtfully chosen gifts to please them.  Every year they must grieve their loss as the rest of the Christian world is gathering their families close to celebrate.

It was too much for my heart to bear. I prayed for peace or comfort or anything to help me understand and process what had happened.

The next day I was playing Christmas songs on the piano as my children sang along.  I couldn't keep my mind away from the deaths in Conneticut.  As the children sang and as I tried to sing along despite the growing tightness in my throat and chest, I became aware of the words coming from my mouth, and I saw an image in my mind of the Savoir, with open arms, welcoming and comforting those little spirits:

"Be near me Lord Jesus; I ask thee to stay
Close by me forever, and love me I pray.
Bless all the dear children in thy tender care,
And fit us for heaven to live with thee there."

Lyrics from other Christmas songs came to mind:

"In all our trials born to be our friend.
He knows our need, to our weakness no stranger"

"Sleep in heavenly peace"

Perhaps it was a blessing, a tender mercy, that this happened at Christmastime?  A few lines from a few Christmas songs won't bring back a child or erase the pain of loss.  Perhaps each year as families mark another year without their little one, their grief will be softened as they find themselves surrounded by lyrics telling of God's love and hope. 

The hope is that God sent his Son, a Savior, to overcome sin and death; to truly offer light and hope to our world. Especially in times of pain, grief and death.  We have never needed His hope and light more than now! Indeed Christmas is triumph:

"Joy to the world, the Lord is come!"

"No more will sin and sorrow reign,
nor thorns infest the ground!
He'll come and make the blessings flow!"

"Chains shall he break..
And in His name all oppression shall cease!"

I sang with the choir in church yesterday and could barely choke out the music as we sang,

"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men!"

The massacre in Connecticut has changed Christmas for me, forever.  I will never mindlessly enjoy the sentiments of the season, or passively celebrate Christ's birth again.  

I celebrate Christ's birth, life, atonement and resurrection more fervently than ever.  I deeply wish you the happiest, hopeful, and Merriest Christmas!

Thanksgiving highlights

It's hard not to feel a bit lonely on Thanksgiving when you aren't with any family. But over the years and many Thanksgivings apart from family, I've learned there are good things I can enjoy. 

Like, having Spouse home for a few days and getting him all to ourselves. 

Like, not having a set schedule.  When the food is ready, it's ready.  No stress.

Like, getting to spend one on one time with each of my kids during the long break from school.

Like, getting all the leftovers to ourselves.



See?  It's not so bad!

We had a pilgrim and a turkey as guests this year.

Some post dinner recreations:

10 on the 10th

When I think about #1 turning 10 my heart bursts with equal parts of happy and sad.

I'm happy for the unique and wonderful person she is becoming.  She is hungry to learn; always reading something. It's nonfiction just as often as fiction.  She loves the natural world and wants to know about all of it from the cosmos down to the smallest bacteria.  She often calls my dad wanting to know the answer to biological questions that are beyond my scope, like, "How do fungi reproduce?".  

#1 is so earnest in wanting to do right and be truly good.  The standards she sets for herself are higher than the ones I expect of her.  She fasts two meals instead of the one that I suggest. Her definition of modest is stricter than mine.  We have talks about faith and believing and she asks really meaningful questions.   She's not afraid to test her faith by asking God for truth.

It is exciting to see her develop and to see the bright path that her potential offers.

However, I feel sadness when I think how the time has flown by, so slow yet so fast.  This year #1 lost all remnants of baby fat and has turned into a tall, thin, lovely young woman.  She doesn't sit on my lap anymore and her little munchkin voice is long gone.

It's a good sadness.

#1 received a new bike for her birthday.  She immediately took it out for a spin.

Too old for birthday cake. This 10 year old requested apple pie.

Is it too late? Did I miss the acceptable Halloween posting period?

We took full advantage of Halloween this year: we partied all month long!

Our annual family Halloween party is always the first Friday of October.  #3 helped me make the cookies we would decorate. Also on the agenda: "Pop the Ghost" balloon game, a Halloween craft and a viewing of The Nightmare Before Christmas.  (side note: sadly #1 is growing up and in a very kind way suggested that next year maybe we could watch something a little more mature).

I had set out bowls of candy for the cookie decorating, including a bowl of Resse's Pieces.  I had totally forgotten #3's little friend is allergic to peanuts!  Yes, I did.  And he ate one. It was awful. Fortunately he didn't get too sick (read: he didn't die or have to be taken to the hospital).  His mom called the next morning to let me know he was recovered and that he was sad to have missed the rest of the party.

By the way, his mom is still my friend. She hasn't stopped speaking to me. 

As evidenced in my previous post, my children Halloween-partied two more times in Utah with each of their grandmas.

The Friday prior to Halloween we attended yet another Halloween party hosted by a member of our ward.  Her backyard looked amazing: ghosts flying overhead, a haunted graveyard, a roaring fire. Hundred of people were invited and her yard was rockin' with dancing, a haunted house, tons of good food and lots of kids to run around with. 

Someday I will be the cool parent. (This is my mantra).

More Halloween parties at school:

Lastly, Halloween night itself.

Arrg, pirate family!

Pirate #1

Pirate #2

and their pirate cat

It was a great month because my children were excited and happy and loved getting into the Halloween-spirit.  But I was ready to be done.  By 10 am the next morning there wasn't a trace of Halloween left in our house.  (except maybe some candy. Ok, lots of candy).