One moment he was playing on the library computer. I looked down at the bookshelf, looked back and he was gone. It took at least 1-2 minutes before I began to feel panic. #2 is an active boy, he is always wandering off. But after I checked the predictable places and then checked them again the thought crossed my mind that I had actually lost my child. Now I'm running. Running between the stacks, to the far corners of the library. Running out the front doors, eyes scanning the parking lot and then up the hill which leads to the public park and a lake....... A LAKE!! The image of him falling in propels me up the hill and frantically scanning the shorelines knowing that there would be no way to know where he fell in. Feeling torn between diving in and groping around in the murky waters or returning to search inside, I decide to bet on the side of hope and run back to the library.
Now as I enter the library every face I see is one of a child molester, or kidnapper. Every corner or door handle I see is a possible hiding place to hurt my son. I'm crying now, totally out of control. Other people are looking for him too. It's been 7-8 minutes. Long enough for him to be long gone in a pedofile's car; long enough for a crime to have been committed; long enough for him to be scared and wanting me. I've been praying, but now I'm just screaming things in my head; demanding, begging, negotiating with the Lord.
A hundred yards away out of the back window my eyes spot the top of a blond head but I'm not relieved yet. It's him. I race to the back wall, find the emergency door and burst outside in one breath. He's safe! I'm hugging him but also feeling for broken bones, looking for signs of distress, checking to see if his pull-up has been tampered with. Everything checks out.
As we reentered the library I could see the alarm that I had spread lift at the sight of #2. I thanked the Lord for my safe son and also for the people who instinctively wanted to help find a lost child.
We checked out our books and I tried to calm down. (Suddenly dripping in sweat.) I just kept thinking, "Why would he wander off like that?" It was about this time that I smelled something wafting from his direction and the answer hit me. He was just trying to find a private place to take care of his business.
I admit that I'm a sub-par mom, but lest you judge me too harshly I really was paying attention to him in the library. For those of you who know #2, you will understand just how easily he can escape anywhere, anyplace. In all the years I've been a parent (Ok, 5 years isn't THAT long, but still plenty of time to totally screw up) this is the only time I've really lost any of my kids. And I hope it never happens again, I don't think my heart can take it.
Have you ever lost someone like that?
10 comments:
I was reading so nervously, waiting for the good news to come. I'm so happy you found him.
A couple months ago I had a brief scare. When I say brief, I mean 1-2 minutes, but it was long enough for me to get to the "he could have been kidnapped" thought. It really is crazy how quickly they can wander away. Lucky for me, he was purposely hiding in the back corner of the tightly packed store behind clothes, trying to blend in. I walked by him and he laughed. I couldn't help but laugh because it really was a good hiding place, other than the two skinny legs protruding from a hanging blouse.
Oh, JLJ, I started crying while I read it. I'm so glad all was well. Any parents' worst nightmare. It has happened a couple time in my "family" (i.e. extended bunch). Fortunatley the many panicked footsteps along the canal have always led safely to the little one who is always curious about the panicked stares. Oh, we also lost Matt once in San Fran. My mother still has guilt.
so scary! glad he is ok.
yes, yes I have had a lost moment -- there is no feeling like it in the world... the minute we found her I was so relieved but also SO MAD that she had 'wandered' so far away.
I am convinced that children need a tracking device put in them at birth. don't you think?!
I've had a few LOST scares. But I didn't know they were missing until they were found. Does that make me a worse mom?
Both of these times we were at home and 1-my teeny 15 month-old was pulled out of the road by a neighbor and 2- my 4 year old was brought back from trying to find her friends house from another neighbor. Good neighborhood huh? So you don't think I'm totally to blame:1- my 6 year old was outside with the toddler...she was supposed to be "in charge" of her and 2- I wasn't even home it was my husband.... sooo now my husband and 6 year old cannot be "in charge" any more.
Go easy on yourself. I am pretty sure there isn't a mother out there who hasn't experienced this absolute terror at least once in their life (and if they haven't yet, they will.) I am SO happy he was found, safe and sound and that you made it through the whole ordeal.
I'm so sorry JL. I was panicking as I was reading your post - wondering if he was going to be ok. I'm SO so glad for you!
#2 is definitely curious and always checking things out, seeing how they work and what's behind doors.
As for my lost story, well I haven't lost my 4 month old baby (yet), but my mom lost me without knowing I was lost.
We were at a ward party when I was 5, and at some point I looked around and everyone in my fam was gone. Turns out they had all hopped in the car and drove home - sans moi. I hung out at the park for awhile and eventually my mom came back to get me. Gotta love it.
So glad everything ended well!
When we were on our cruise, at the beach with hordes and hordes of people I lost sight of Miles for a minute or 2. I can't believe how horrified and frantic I felt for those seconds. I don't know if very much is scarier than the thought that a child is lost.
BTW - we don't have a Tivo either.
I think I "lose" my little boy about once a month. Seriously, he, unlike my daughter, thinks it's really funny to take off running and top speeds while I'm busy trying to do something else. Ususally I eye him, but like you said, sometimes you look down for a second and they disappear. Just like you, they disappeared at the library (were you at the Southeast one by chance?--lake?).
Don't judge yourself too harshly. Unfortunately, ours is a day when we mothers have to watch our kids more closely than our mothers had to watch us. I'm sure you've gotten that email about how our generation would leave the house in the morning on a bike without a parent knowing where we were for hours at a time and we returned home unscathed and dirty. I could never let my little girl do that now and I live in what I consider a nice neighborhood.
I'm sure you're an excellent mom. It take a lot of work!
I am just waiting for it to happen. I have been blessed with TWO runners... we've had many scary events, but... knock on wood.
P.S. I don't know how you LIVE each day without TiVo... if my butt wasn't parked in front of the 50inch plasma maybe I could be one of those Mom's who read, get in shape, spend time with my kids, cook for my family, etc., etc., etc.!! j/k- ok, spend time with my kids, but the rest could use a little help. :)
It happens so fast! and the more kids you have with you the more quickly it happens. my last trip to the library was awful and I can't get myself back because of it. and I am feeling all the feelings reading this that I had with my most recent post.
I am so sorry! that is terrifying!
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