SPOILER ALERT

I just did something wild, crazy and unfortunately, regrettable.  I saw the midnight premiere of Twilight.  Why am I writing my review here at 2:45 in the morning? Because I had to drink 32 ounces of diet coke in order to stay awake and now here I am, still awake. 

Ok.  So everyone who has read the book is going to see the movie.  But maybe you won't be so let down (movies from books are always let-downs, but this one is the worst) if you go into it  knowing a few things.  Like:

Edward looks like a clown.  His (and all the vampires) make up is terrible.  He looks like a powder face, with an unblended jaw line and too dark red of lips.  It is distracting.  

The actor playing Edward uses two faces. 1)wild staring eye 2) sad face

The action scenes are hilarious. Watching the vampires run fast is like watching Tom and Jerry. All they are missing is the little cloud of dust like the ones the Flintstones kick up after their feet do that blurry-run thing.  And the climbing of the trees - it makes Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon look like Cirque du Soleil.

And the sparkly skin scene. Oh dear.  How can I prepare you for it?  Just bring a kleenex to wipe away the tears of laughter.

Jacob.

All is not lost.  There are a few scenes that deliver:

The baseball episode

Edward chasing off the mal-intended men in Port Angeles

The fight scene at the ballet studio (just look away when Edward sucks the venom out of Bella's arm -it'll remind you that they are just actors playing in a fictional movie.  And isn't the goal to forget you're just watching actors playing in a fictional movie? Suspend the disbelief?)

To sum it up: It looks like Twilight was hastily filmed, hastily edited and poorly produced.  It's been touted as a blockbuster but really it's just a B movie.  

Two thumbs down.

1.5 star out of 5.

Boo.

But still go see it.

nerdy thirties

I used to think I would always be hip and with-it and never, ever, ever fall into the easy trap of the nerdy thirties. Yet, here I am, approaching the big 3-1 and it's only getting worse. My clothes are getting closer and closer to vintage; my taste in music is stuck in the 80's and 90's; my hair style hasn't changed in years. I AM A NERDY THIRTY! Please don't start thinking of a nice, sympathetic comment to write. This isn't one of those "I'm fat" - "No! You're not fat" things. This is the best (or worst) part of being a nerdy thirty..... I DON'T CARE! Maybe this is the joy that comes with getting older, you just care less and less. Hence, you get nerdier, and nerdier. One day you find yourself wearing comfortable, stretch-waist-band pants and nurse shoes and you have arrived at complete care-less-ness.

The good thing is that you have hopefully replaced all those material, worldly cares with real things like children, grandchildren, spirituality, giving, and bingo.

This conversation is what forced me to take a good look in the proverbial mirror (not the real, wriggle-ridden reflection):

#1: Why are you wearing that?

me: (on my way out of the house for some errands) What do you mean? Wearing what?

#1: Those clothes? Why aren't you wearing your normal clothes?

me: My normal clothes? What are my normal clothes?

#1: You know...(thinking).... your pajamas.





Oh, I have so arrived at not caring.

Family Photos

Just a little preview of what you may be getting in your Christmas greeting this year:












Tomorrow is #1's birthday. Six years old. It's an anniversary for me too; the day my life changed more than I could have ever known.

So about last night.....

I'm not going to write anything. Just this :( or I might revert to the downward tailspin that had me wallowing in worry and disappointment this morning.

Onto happier subjects: Halloween! This picture of #2, the pirate might even make John McCain smile today. And the ghoulish #1 is so spooky she could have put a damper on the zealous crowd at Grant Park last night.

Putting politics aside for a minute, we had a great time at our ward's truck 'r treat. However, now that we know that the end of the world is nigh, (The One has finally arrived) we probably should have been collecting food storage. How long do Snickers keep?

Halloween night a mummy and a shark joined us for our 2nd annual Halloween bbq. We listened to "This is Halloween" one last time and then canvased the neighborhood like an Obama volunteer except we were only asking for candy.

We trudged around the warm night for more than an hour, wearing the kids out and collecting loot. But all in all, nothing could have prepared us for election night 2008. The hopes, the dreams, the change... what? That isn't my line? I told you I wasn't going to talk politics so quit trying to change the suject.

YMCA South Mountain 1/2 Marathon - a tale of epic proportions

Pre-race

A great race on a beautiful morning. Spouse and the kids hung out at the starting line with me for a little while, collecting goodies from all sponsors, eating cliff bars and bananas, and then headed out to stake out a good 1st viewing spot. I had about 20 minutes before the gun so I hit the restrooms, only to find a LONG line for the ladies. I decided to take my chance in the line; better to lose a couple minutes up front than have to wait in a porta-john line 4 miles down the road. The line went quickly, but even still when I came out I could see the count down and I only had 33 seconds before the gun. So I jogged to the very back of the line, shedding my sweatshirt and ditching it in the gravel, and trying to put my ear-buds in. The gun went off, and the shuffling to the starting line began. By the time I made it to the starting line I was already 1:33 behind. Too bad we didn't have timing chips.

My strategy was to keep it slow for the first 4-5 miles then get into a comfortable pace. There is so much adreneline at the beginning it's hard to keep your excitment abated and not speed up. So that's what I did. However, I was so paranoid about not getting carried away, I think I held back a little too much. More of that later. It was fun to come around a bend and see Spouse and the kids cheering me on. Even #3 was clapping!

During this slow section I kept thinking how diverse the running crowd is. If I've learned one thing about runners it is that you can't judge performance by appearance. There was this girl at the starting line looking pretty serious about the race, totally decked out in hard-core running gear, doing lunges and high knee kicks. She was thin and muscley, totally fit. I thought "That's a real runner there. Not a poser like me." Ha ha ha. I came in 15 minutes ahead of her. Eat that, skinny girl! But then, I was beat by 89 year old Erik Johnson and a crippled woman.

The first 3 miles were torture. So slow. So crowded. So boring. I just wanted to get things going. Around mile 4 I couldn't stand it any longer and just let it go. At about mile 5.5 the race leaders started passing us on the way back (this was a there and back course). This was hugely motivating - especially since the 4th person to pass on the way back was a woman! The turn around was at 6.5 miles. I felt really good so I thought, what the heck, and increased my pace a bit more. I ran through all the water stations, just throwing the water in my face and catching some in my mouth. At about mile 8 Spouse handed me some gatorade, which was super helpful, because the race only provided water, no energy.

I still felt really good and when I passed the 10 mile marker I realized that I had held back too much at the beginning because I still had a ton of energy. So I picked up my pace a bit more, no sense leaving anything behind. I was able to keep up this faster pace through the last 2 mile stretch which was all uphill. Spouse and the kids passed me on the road, honking and yelling which made me so excited to get to the finish line. As I came to the crest of the last hill, I could see the finish line and the timer and my heart fell. I had really wanted to come in under two hours (I know for all you serious runners, Daisy, McCall....whoever else, this seems like a wimpy goal. But for me it was a challenge, yet acheivable). I thought, "Oh well, I guess my faster pace really wasn't that fast afterall." The timer said 2:14. I wasn't wiped out; in fact I felt great! I was a little bummed because I felt like I could have run faster those first few miles and acheived my goal.

After a few gatorades, and bananas, we started heading for the car when I heard over the loud speaker, "Half marathon runners, remember to subtract ten minutes from your time." Whoo hoo! I had forgotten that we had started 10 minutes after the 5K on the same timer. Even though I still hadn't made my goal, at least this was much better! The official results were posted yesterday and my official time was 2:03. I was 22nd in my age division out of 60 and 295 overall out of 589.

Spouse was juggling three kids and trying to get to four different viewing points so he only mangaed to take these two, before and after, pictures. Not like I'd post pictures of me running anyway. And for those readers who've been with me since last year, you'll be happy to notice that I finally got some new running clothes! Thank you Target!

Viewer Discretion Advised: Rated PG for mild crude language

A couple weeks ago Spouse and I narrowly lost a game called Like Minds because we came up short thinking of alternative words for vomit. You may ask, how can that be?  Spouse is renowned for his use of slang and alternative vocabulary (thanks to a certain Nate Stokes - The King of hilarious termage). We covered the basics: puke, ralph, barf.  But we really missed out on some of the better known terms: up-chuck, toss-cookies, yak.  

I've got vomit on my mind.  On Friday #1 spoiled our trip to the pumpkin patch with an unexpected hurl.  Pumpkin patch trip cut short, we spent the remainder of the day, holding back hair and going from plastic bag, to bowl, to toilet.  It was short-lived and by the next morning all was well.

Forward to Monday night. I was just about to put my book down and turn off the light when Spouse carries in #2, crying and smelling like stomach tsunami.  From 10:30 pm - 3:30 am I dozed by #2's side, just waiting for the warning sounds of retching, coming approximately every 20 minutes. That's right. I cleaned that darn bowl 12 times.  Bad night.

Where is all this leading?  I hereby diagnose myself with olfactory fatigue.  All I can smell is spew. This happened once before to me. My sister, who had just accidently chewed a huge piece of raw garlic, blew her fresh, potent breath on my nose (she was like 17 - so don't judge).  It was so disgusting and the garlic smell was so strong, I couldn't smell anything but garlic for more than a day!  It was terrible! And you know how your sense of taste is totally connected to your sense of smell? Yes, I was tasting garlic cereal, garlic bananas, garlic everything!  It was a strange sensation and that is how I know I have olfactory fatigue again. It isn't quite as bad as the garlic, but yesterday everything I ate tasted a little like puke. 

I'm pretty sure everyone that reads my blog is a mom, except for you Kemery, and knows full well what I'm talking about. Or am I going crazy?

Palling Around with Unrepentant Moms

#1 has been exclusively praying for herself in our family prayers. After a short teaching moment about thinking of everyone's needs, her next prayer went like this:

Bless me to get green days. Bless #2 to learn to talk better and learn his ABC's.  Bless mom to stop doing all those bad things.

Hmmm.  I guess I haven't been fooling anyone.